DISCLOSURE: THIS POST MAY CONTAIN AFFILIATE LINKS, WE MAY RECEIVE A COMMISSION IF YOU DECIDE TO MAKE A PURCHASE THROUGH OUR LINKS, AT NO COST TO YOU. OUR FULL DISCLAIMER.

We’ve all heard of self defense methods such as Krav Maga, Karate and Unagi. But a self defense method you may not have heard of is the Cookie Defense.

The Cookie Defense?

Yes, my little salmon skin rolls. The Cookie Defense. I am talking about a method of utilizing cookie intake as a means of survival.

How does it work?

Step 1: Make Cookies

Step 2: Eat Cookies

Step 3: Stay Chubby

Step 4: You’ll be harder to kidnap

Voila – the Cookie Defense.

Not Scientifically Proven

I totally had you, I know. But the Cookie Defense isn’t scientifically proven to keep you safe.

The Cookie Defense is a product of  Zach and I’s RV safety tips. Here are our actual RV safety tips if that is what you are looking for.

Bonus tip* strength train with your cookies to further deter bandits from targeting you.

The best Cookie Defense cookie

If you have decided that the Cookie Defense is something that you want to try. I suggest the monster cookie. The monster cookie is a solid, filling and tasty treat. I have included my monster cookie recipe below. God Speed. Be safe out there.

Just how my mom makes ’em

Everyone loves these monster cookies because they are made without flour.

  • 6 eggs
  • 2 cups brown sugar
  • 2 cups white sugar
  • 1/2 TBLS Vanilla
  • 1/2 TBLS Honey
  • 1 cup margerine
  • 3 cups peanut butter
  • 9 cups oatmeal
  • 1 cup chocolate chips
  • 1 cup m&ms candy

Mix in order given. Bake at 325 for 10 minutes. Don’t over bake.

Enjoy your cookies. You can make them as big as you want. I love making giant ones too! Let me know how you like them in the comments below.

5 Reasons to make these monster cookies

  • You will achieve Unagi – A state of total awareness thanks to “The Cookie Defense”

  • You’ll have more friends

  • Your kitchen will smell great

  • You’ll be invited to parties

  • You’ll become wiser

None of the above is guaranteed. Likely, but not guaranteed.

Now get out there and eat some cookies people!

I always think I should make a half batch. And then I realize I can’t keep up with how quick this man eats them.